Исторический кружок: Игнацио де Лойола

“Скука породила больше игроков, чем корыстолюбие, больше пьяниц, чем жажда, и больше caмoyбийств, чем отчаяние” (с) Чарльз Калеб Колтон

Однажды одному дяденьке нечего было читать. Но нет, он не самоубился.

В конце 15 века в Стране Басков родился мальчик, звали его Иньиго. Он был из знатной старинной семьи, и путь его был определен: сначала паж при дворе, потом военный. Иньиго жил в свое удовольствие, жрал от пуза, пыжил тёток, занимался фигурной резьбой по врагам, красиво одевался, помадил усятки и был заправским франтом. А потом его ранили в бою.

Лечение было долгим, унылым, болезненным и скучным. – Бооооринг! – орал Иньиго, – дайте шото почитать про асисяй и шпаги! Но про асисяй и шпаги не было, было про Иисуса.

Многократно прочтя от скучищи одну и ту же книгу, Иньиго завернулся мозгом и придумал специальные духовные упражнения. От скуки ещё не то придумаешь. В праведной жизни Иньиго принял имя Игнацио, отказался от бап и помады для усятков и принялся везде паломничать. Нерастраченная энергия перла из него фонтаном.

– Хочу наносить пользу, возьмите меня к себе! – попросился Игнацио к францисканцам. Но те отказали, сочтя Игнацио необразованной свинотой. Игнацио поучился и пришел к доминиканцам. Но те сочли его духовные упражнения пованивающими ересью. Игнацио понял, что кина не будет, и решил придумать свой орден, где можно практиковать свои упражнения сколько влезет. Но могли сжечь на костре, так что он решил получить согласие Папы Римского.

– Да вы охуели! – традиционно сказал Папа. – Эти духовные упражнения нам чужды, а латынь ваша – прехуйовая. Да и чем вы лучше других? Развелось, как собак нерезанных. – спросил Папа и выразительно посмотрел на доминиканцев.

Символ доминиканцев

– Мы самые хитровыебанные! – вдохновенно сказал Игнацио. – Мы во всем будем слушаться вас, а не как вот эти вот всякие. Даже девиз возьмём “как труп”, ну то есть полная покорность.

– Лепо, хоть и макабрически, – сказал Папа и согласился.

И точно, слово “иезуит” стало синонимом коварства, лжи и обмана. Все потому, что у них “приспособительная” мораль, а религиозные догмы они ловко умели вертеть, как им нужно, причем иногда и на том самом органе. Ибо хочешь жить, умей вертеться.


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