Горацио Нельсон был мелким и чахлым младенцем, одним из 11-ти в семье сельского священника. Любовь к господу не мешала папаше наяривать мамашу, пока он ее окончательно не уморил всего в 42 года.
Обычно в их роду девочек традиционно распихивали замуж, а мальчики шли в священники. Но Горацио, ко всеобщему удивлению, оказался настоящим боевым пидaрacoм ™, нарванным и бесстрашным.
Уже в 12 лет дядя взял его на свое судно, не особо переживая насчёт того, если вдруг заморышу оторвёт голову. Заморыш выжил, неожиданно быстро продвинулся по службе, в том числе благодаря беспримерной храбрости, и уже в 20 лет стал капитаном. Чтобы понять, насколько он был упоротым, достаточно сказать, что всю дорогу он страдал от морской болезни, но его это не останавливало.
Нельсон участвовал во многочисленных битвах, упизживая людей в разных точках мирового океана, но больше всего отличился в Наполеоновских войнах. В перерывах между пизделками Нельсон сходил на берег и регулярно в кого-то втрескивался, а потом и вовсе женился. Но в целом вел себя прилично, пока не познакомился с Эммой Гамильтон.
Она была из простых, но удачно вышла замуж за целого сэра, да ещё посла, вызвав бурление говен в высшем обществе. Дама она была раскрепощённая и регулярно фраппировала общество своими “живыми картинами”, в которых представала разными мифологическими и прочими персонажами, довольно слабо одетыми.
Прикол в том, что на все бурления Эмме было насрать. А Нельсон был боевой пидарас ™ не только на войне, но и в любви, так что эти двое нашли друг друга, несмотря на отсутствие у Нельсона правой руки и большей части зубов.
– Ах, – возопила Эмма при первой встрече, – это ж живая легенда!
И забилась в припадке фангерлинга. Нельсон смог оценить ее прелести даже одним левым глазом, потому что правым он ни пса не видел. Хотя повязку не носил, это домыслы киношников. Из мужа Эммы уже сыпалась труха, так что он покровительственно похлопал Нельсона по плечу, справедливо полагая, что даже одной рукой бравый адмирал управится с Эммой лучше, чем сэр двумя. Жена Нельсона не обрадовалась, но ее никто не спрашивал.
Парочка связи своей ни от кого не скрывала, заставляя общество биться в истерике. Английские газеты верещали от счастья, обсасывая подробности скандала. А Нельсон в свободное от убийства людей время жил с Эммой вместе (муж ее к тому времени умер), оставив жену, а фраппированому обществу показал фак. Типа “я адмирал королевского флота, а чего добился ты?”
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