Исторический кружок: Кapл 5

Карл 5 был внуком ебанашки Изабеллушки Кастильской и Фердинанда Арагонского, сыном Филиппа Габсбурга и Хуаны Безумной. Карла избрали королем Германии (из-за его папы), а императором СРИ он сам себя назначил. Карлушка был, прямо скажем, так себе и вот почему.

Прав на Испанию у него не было, потому что его мать сидела в кутузке, хотя она явно не была так безумна, как хотелось бы ее папаше-гондону и уебану-сынку. Карл навестил маменьку, сказал, что она не в себе и назначил себя королем Испании, которая до Фердинанда и Изабеллы и единой страной-то не была.

Мама Карлуши

В Испании взбесились: припёрся какой-то крокодил, который понятия о стране не имеет, поставил на все должности своих мажоров, маму не выпустил, чё за хуйня?! Началось восстание коммунерос, которое Карл с трудом упиздил, уделав множество приличных людей.

Карл был жадным пиздюком, одержимым идеей Единой Европы, и полез к соседям, что закончилось пленением Франциска 1. Карл привык держать королей в кутузке, чё такова. В Османской империи в очередной раз охуели от возмущения и прислали деняк на выкуп, потому что держать королей в кутузке – мерзко. Тяжело не согласиться с Сулейманом Великолепным в этом вопросе. Кстати, Османская империя очень успешно давала Карлу пизды.

Сулейман

Многие животные метят территорию. Карл тоже решил насрать в разных иноверческих святынях. В Альгамбре, резной, воздушной и изящной, Карл построил уебищный громоздкий дворец, изговняв весь архитектурный ансамбль. Но строительство собора в стиле барокко внутри изумительной мечети Кордобы – это изращение похуже крувасанов с макарунами вприкуску на завтрак. Справедливости ради, посмотрев на результат, Карл сказал, что вышла хуйня, и во дворце не жил. Так он прыщом и торчит.

Мечеть Кордобы

Карл был озабочен чистотой крови. Конкистадоры в новом свете трахали местных и все, что сопело. В результате на свет родилась куча людей смешанной крови. Карл собрал знатных непристроенных девушек и отправил их замуж за окиян. Несчастные плавали 6 лет, некоторые умерли, другие потеряли зубы от цинги, а на месте оказалось, что конкистадорам это нахуй не надо. Карлито – мастер дебильных идей!

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