Исторический кружок: Магальяйнш

В конце 15 века благодаря Вашку да Гаме все окончательно вкурили, что Колумб немного обосрался и открыл не Индию. Пока иcпaнцы потрошили неиндию, пopтyгaльцы отправились потpoшить настоящую Индию. Прямо скажем, и индейцы, и индийцы были глубоко не рады этому обстоятельству.
В это время в Португалии подрос Фернандо Магальяйнш, парень из приличной семьи.

-Ну вот что за хуйня! – обиженно нудел Фернандо, – пока я рос, уже все открыли!!
К счастью, хоть в работе не было недостатка, и Фернандо отправилось потрошить. В 34 года Фернандо навоевалось, стало капитаном и ушло на пенсию. Но на пенсии было очень скучно. Огород и куры не радовали, Фернандо оброс бородой и скис.

-Вашвеличество, – попросился на аудиенции Фернандо, – дайте деняк, я что-нибудь открою, скучно же.

-Выращивай капузду, – нелюбезно ответил король, Вашку уже все открыл. И дал Фернанде такую пенсию, что ему до конца жизни оставалось грызть вприкуску с капустой сухой доширак.
Фернандо обиделся и уехал в Испанию, где сидел Карл 5, мастер идиотских и авантюрных идей.

-Магеллан!!! – радостно заорало Карлито, безбожно коверкая фамилию Фернандо, – а давай ты нам че-нить откроешь!!!

-Могу, – осторожно сказал Фернандо, – например, западный проход к островам Пряностей, вдруг так быстрее.

Но первым делом Магеллан открыл пингвинов. Все настолько охуели, что забыли, куда плыли. Потом – пролив, через который можно было срезать кусок Южной Америки. Все очень обрадовались. Потом – Филиппинские острова.
Там его и грохнули местные с криками “знать не знаем никакого вшивого Карла, у нас свой царь есть!” Наверное, слышали, как Карл воткнул собор в мечеть.

Остальные члены экспедиции приготовились было плыть обратно, но тут до них дошло, что теперь до Испании ближе плыть вперёд, чем назад.

Магеллановы пингвины

-Опача, – сказал Хуан Себастьян Элькано, новый глава экспедиции, – мы случайно обогнули Землю. Выходит, про черепаху со слонами точно пиздеж.

Пролив назвали в честь Магеллана, а в Португалии расстроились, что проебали крутое открытие


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