Многие люди в диснеевских мультиках любят второстепенных персонажей вроде пиздящих ослов, пучащих глаза котиков, всратых рачков и рыбок, говорящих пипидастров и чайников. Именно говорящая посуда и предметы мебели адски бесили меня в мультике и чуть меньше – в фильме. Итальянцы в 2014 году сняли свою версию La bella e la bestia, без пипидастра, зато с чудовищем, при виде которого есть риск затопить соседей.
Итак, никакого пипидастра, комода и пиздящего подсвечника. Никаких роз, паутины и папаши, которому нужно привезти дочери чудище для сексуальных утех *. Вместо этого чувак с ПТСР, сидящий в замке, как жаба, и наводящий ужас на селян. Еще у него есть родственники, которые тоже сидят с ним в замке. Папаша-купец не тырит розы, а занял у чудища деньги. Стервозное чудище требует печень левую почку правое яйцо девицу в услужение. Девицу играет Бланка Суарес, так что чудовище немедленно гнусно оживляется, но это не то, что вы подумали. Это же итальянский сериал.
В общем, довольно сопляво, зато ужасно красиво и романтично, есть даже элемент триллера: непонятные обстоятельства гибели чудищевой жены и гнусная кузина, которая норовит влезть в чудищевы штанишки. Ее можно понять, потому что чудище играет Алессандро Прециози.
*анекдот:
Позвал купец своих трех дочерей и говорит:
– Собрался я в дорогу трудную. Уезжаю в страны дальние по делам купеческим. Что привезти вам любимые мои? Каких гостинцев пожелаете?
И отвечает старшая дочь:
– Привези мне батюшка, румян алых, чтоб горели мои щеки, ярче солнца красного.
– А мне сарафан расписной, красоты не земной, привези батюшка! – говорит средняя дочь.
– Что же ты молчишь, моя младшая дочь? Скажи отцу, о чем мечтаешь?
Потупила глаза младшая и робко отвечает:
– Привези мне батюшка, чудище заморское, для утех сексуальных извращенных …
– Чтооооо??! – взревел купец, и потерял дар речи.
– Хорошо, батюшка, пойдем длинным путем. Привези мне аленький цветочек!
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