Атия Бальба была скромной женщиной, совсем не такой оторвой, как в сериале “Рим”, несмотря на то, что ее дядя был сам Гай Юлий Цезарь. Замуж она вышла за скромного же претора Гая Октавия, который впоследствии был наместником провинции. В общем, обычный римский мидл-класс, ничего особенного, не ылита. Ее сыночку, Гая Октавия Фурина, очень это парило, он был сноб. И когда его называли по имени папы Октавиан, говорят, бесился до швыряния амфорами.
Мальчик рос умненьким, и знаменитый родственник, в силу отсутствия родных сыновей, приблизил его к себе. Когда Цезаря угандонили, крошке Гаю было всего 19, так что все полностью охуели от завещания Цезаря. Атия всполошились, как курка, и принялась причитать “синку, нашо тобі це треба?!” Крошка Гай же уже твердо решил, шо треба и принялся всячески демонстративно убиваться по Цезарю и выполнять его волю, например, раздавать деньги.
-Смотрите, чё деется! – блажил Гаюшка на форуме, – Цезарь завещал всем деняк, но их зажал Марк Антоний! Я вынужден продать последние трусиля! Плебеи и солдаты жалели крошку Гая и считали Антония поцом, но народ побогаче и поопытнее сцал: все ж Гаюшко был неопытный молокоотсосик. Страна раскололась на два лагеря.
На стороне Гаюшки играл Цицерон, пиздюк 80-го уровня, которого все слушали, развесив уши. А где-то на горизонте телепались убившие Цезаря Брут и Кассий. В сенате мяли яйчишки и не знали, на кого ставить. И пока они их мяли, в Рим ввалился Гаюшка с воплем “здравствуйте, сцуки!”, захватил казну и стал консулом. С Антонием и Лепидом они помирились и заключили мирный договор, который назывался триумвират.
Пацаны нимношк расслабились и принялись добывать денег, методично выпизживая сторонников республики, прикрываясь плакатиком “с детства за Цезаря”. Тут, как вошь на галстук, вылез Помпей с требованием своего куска пирога. Гаюшка даже женился на Скрибонии, родственнице Помпея, но он продолжал пиздеть, пришлось Агриппе его угандонить.
Во времена затишья в Рим вернулся такой себе Тиберий Клавдий Нерон, сторонник республики. С ним была беременная жена. Тут Гаюшку срубило настолько внезапно, что его не смутило ни пузо Ливии Друзиллы, ни наличие у всех жен и мужей. Свою жену он выставил, тем более, что Помпея уже угандонили, а муж Ливии так пересцал, что помог организовать свадьбу.
Кратко отдохнув (Гай в сиськах Ливии, Антоний в сиськах Клеопатры) пацаны принялись мутузить друг друга с криками “может остаться только один”. У Гаюшки была намного более выгодная позиция, он тряс сенат и всю Италию на предмет деняк и в конце концов все знают, чем все закончилось. Бруту и Кассию тоже настал пздц.
Отмудохав сенаторов по почкам, Гаюшка выбил себе особую форму правления – принципат, его власть была практически неограниченной. Для пущей красоты в сенате постановили именовать его “Император Цезарь Август, сын бога”. А чтоб его не упиздили на пенсии, он продавил себе судебный иммунитет. Полководцем он был таким себе, зато политика и всякий юризм были просто-таки его призваниями, он провел кучу важных и полезных реформ. Например, при нем уже везде уверенно ходили деньги вместо натурального обмена. А военные обязанности всегда можно ловко делегировать.
Ливия Друзилла была его женой всю оставшуюся жизнь, И Гаюшка во всем ее слушался. Враги трындели, что он ей изменял, но это слабо согласуется с семейным кодексом, который он продвигал. Он внезапно стал радеть о нравах, пытаясь запретить римлянам сношать все, что сопит, бегать налево, устраивать оргии и заставил всех пережениться, но римляне умудрялись класть на это хй.
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