Історичний гурток: І ти, Брут?

Завдяки історичній передсмертній фразі Цезаря «Й ти, Брут?» цей самий Брут увійшов у історію, як символ огидної зради. Але це залежить від того, з якого боку подивитись.

Марк Юній Брут походив із роду Юнієв, принаймні, він так міркував. Луцій Юній Брут, на честь якого навіть назвали місяць june (червень), був першим консулом Римської Республіки. Ще одним пращуром Брута був чувак, який придушив повстання плебея Спурія Меллія, що волів стати царем. Тож республіка та демократія були у Брута, можна сказати, в крові. Крім того, його тато був народним трибуном – це були такі чуваки, що топили за плебеїв та захищали їхні права. Дядьком Брута був Катон – відомий політичний діяч та затятий тиранофоб.

Мамою Брута була відома римська матрона Сервілія. Ходили вперті чутки про те, що Брут був сином Цезаря, бо Сервілія вела бурхливе особисте життя, та с Цезарем у неї теж щось там було.

Брут отримав чудову освіту, захопився науками, відвідав Афіни та набрався там усяких демократичних ідей. Зазвичай такі парубки, як Брут, робили військову або політичну кар’єру, Брут не був винятком. Він одружився із дочкою консула та став квестором (це типу помічник консула). Тобто кар’єра йшла, як по маслу, а в Римі його називали «перший серед молоді». Тим часом у Цезаря все було так собі та ось чому:

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Коли Цезар повернувся до Риму з Галлії та почав громадянську війну з Помпеєм, Брута розчепірило в усі боки. За наказом Помпея був убитий його батько. Але Цезар, не дивлячись на те, що був коханцем матері або якраз через це, був Брутові ще огидніший. До того ж у Брута була тиранофобія, й на Цезаря в нього смикалося око. Але шо поробиш – коли Помпей отримав пизди від Цезаря, Брут примкнув до останнього, бо жити дуже хотілося.

Влаштувавши Помпею та його прибічникам вені, віді, віці та виїбавши Клеопатру, Цезар повернувся до Риму. Тріумфально – буквально, бо він провів аж 5 тріумфів. Причому вперше в римській історії – на честь перемоги римлян над римлянами. Брут та Цицерон, із яким Брут тісно подружився, притримали око, що сіпалося.

Консули цього року з Риму потікали, тож Цезаря призначили диктатором, причому три рази й останній – взагалі безпідставно. Лишень тому шо. Цезар уперто не бачив, як сіпається око Брута. «Брут, якого хуя? – культурно запитав Цицерон. – На честь вашого роду назвали цілий місяць. Ти так і будеш дивитися на зародження імперії зла?» «Не гарячкуй, – мимрив Брут невпевнено. – Він же обіцяв повернути республіку, коли наведе лад». Цицерон подивився на нього виразно.

«Знаєте шо? – сказав Цезар. – Мене вже забембало вигадувати приводи залишитися при владі. Я буду диктатором безстроково. Так раніше ніхто не робив, але мені насрати. А кому не подобається – ну ви зрозуміли». Всі потужно охуїли. А Цезар зайнявся обоготворенням себе: почав будувати храми, ставити статуї, присвоїв собі титул батька вітчизни, створив навіть спеціальну посаду спеціального жерця для оправляння культу себе. Охуїли вже навіть ті, хто не встиг раніше. «Ну а шо?» – сказав Цезар і почав скрізь ходити в лавровому вінку (він стидався лисини, але дуже хотів бути гарним і типу молодим). Офіціально з ним зробити нічого не можна було, бо в нього були силовики.

«Овва, – сказав Брут, – ти був правий, друзяко Цицерон». І став серцем заколоту. Цезаря закололи прямісінько в сенаті, а на останок він сказав: «Й ти, Брут?!», бо вважав Брута лояльним, адже диктаторам властиво не помічати реальної картинки та орієнтуватися на проекції в своїй макітрі чи бліяння поплічників, що сцють.

На жаль, процес створення імперії був запущений, спинити його вже було неможливо. Зробився пекельний мега-рейвах через владу, спалахнула громадянська війна між цезаріанцями та прибічниками республіки. І, хоча в останніх якийсь час справи йшли непогано, їхні війська, які очолювали Брут і Кассій, були розбиті, та Брут укоротив собі життя.

Цезаря всякі кіношники та письменники романтизували, а Брута – навпаки.

Русская версия:

Благодаря исторической предсмертной фразе Цезаря «И ты Брут?» это самый Брут вошел в историю, как символ гнусного предательства. Но это зависит от того, с какой стороны посмотреть.

Марк Юний Брут происходил из рода Юниев, по крайней мере, он так думал. Луций Юний Брут, в честь которого даже назвали месяц июнь, был первым консулом Римской Республики. Еще одним предком Брута был чувак, который подавил восстание буянящего плебея Спурия Меллия, желавшего стать царем. Так что Республика и демократия, можно сказать, были у Брута в крови. Кроме того, папа Брута был народным трибуном – это были такие чуваки, которые топили за плебеев и защищали их права. Дядей Брута был Катон – видный политический деятель и упоротый тиранофоб.

Мамой Брута была знаменитая римская матрона из патрициев, Сервилия. Ходили упорные слухи о том, что Брут был от Цезаря, потому что Сервилия вела бурную личную жизнь, и с Цезарем у нее тоже чето было.

Брут получил прекрасное образование, увлекался науками, съездил в Афины и набрался там всяких демократических идей. Обычно такие пацаны, как Брут, делали военную или политическую карьеру, Брут не стал исключением. Он женился на дочери консула и стал квестором (типа помощника консула). В общем, карьера шла, как по маслу, а в Риме его назвали «первый среди молодёжи».

Тем временем у Цезаря все было как раз не очень. И вот почему:

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Когда Цезарь вернулся в Рим из Галлии и начал гражданскую войну с Помпеем, Брута растопырило во все стороны. По приказу Помпея был убит отец Брута. Но Цезарь, несмотря на то, что был любовником Сервилии или как раз из-за этого, был Бруту еще более противен. К тому же у Брута была тиранофобия, и на Цезаря у него здорово дергался глаз. Но жопаделать, когда Помпей получил от Цезаря пизды, Брут примкнул к Цезарю, очень жить хотелось.

Устроив Помпею и его сторонникам вени, види, вици и выебав Клеопатру, Цезарь вернулся в Рим. Триумфально – буквально, он провел аж 5 триумфов. Причем впервые в римской истории – в честь победы римлян над римлянами. Брут и Цицерон, с которым он очень подружился, придержали дергающийся глаз.

Консулы этого года из Рима сбежали, так что Цезаря назначили диктатором, причем три раза и последний – вообще без формальных поводов. Просто а потому что. Цезарь упорно не видел, как дергается глаз Брута. «Брут, какого хуя? – культурным голосом спросил Цицерон. – В честь вашего рода целый месяц назвали. Ты так и будешь смотреть на зарождение империи зла?» «Не горячись, – мямлил Брут неуверенно. – Он же обещает вернуть республику, когда наведет порядок». Цицерон посмотрел на него выразительно.

«Знаете шо? – сказал Цезарь. – Меня заебало придумывать поводы, как остаться при власти. Я буду диктатором бессрочно. Так никто раньше не делал, но мне похуй. А кому не нравится – ну вы поняли». Все мощно охуели. А Цезарь занялся обожествлением себя: принялся строить храмы, ставить статуи, присвоил себе титул отца отечества, создал даже специальную должность специального жреца для оправления культа себя. Охуели уже даже те, кто не успел охуеть раньше. «Ну а чо?!» – сказал Цезарь и стал везде ходить в лавровом венке (он стеснялся лысины, но очень хотелось быть красивым и типа молодым). Официально ничего сделать было нельзя, у Цезаря были силовики.  

«Мда, – сказал Брут, – ты был прав, дружище Цицерон». И стал сердцем заговора. Цезаря закололи в сенате, и напоследок он сказал: «И ты Брут?!», потому что считал Брута лояльным, ведь диктаторам свойственно не замечать реальной картинки и ориентироваться на проекции в своей голове или блеяние сцущих приспешников.

Но, увы, процесс становления империи был запущен, остановить его было нельзя. Сделался адский мега-срач за власть, вспыхнула гражданская война между цезарианцами и сторонниками республики. И, хотя у последних дела какое-то время шли неплохо, их войска, которые возглавляли Брут и Кассий, были разбиты, и Брут покончил с собой.

Цезаря всякие киношники и писатели романтизировали, а Брута – наебарот.

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