Броненосцы пиздец какие странные. С виду ящур ящуром, а на самом деле – млекопитающие. Есть 21 вид броненосцев. Самый маленький – розовый, он размером 15 см. Самый большой – гигантский, он в длину 1,5 м.
Панцирь броненосца покрывают пластинки ороговевшего эпидермиса. Сворачиваться клубком умеет только трехпоясный броненосец. Температура тела у них низкая, потому они живут в теплых краях. Броненосцы болеют проказой. Обычно они живут поодиночке, но иногда сбиваются в кучи для тепла. 90% рациона броненосцев – насекомые и лярвы, то есть личинки. Добывают они их длинным и клейким языком.
Броненосцы задерживают дыхание на 6 минут, потому они часто переходят водоемы по дну. Ритуал ухаживания у броненосцев унылый – самец просто таскается за самкой и нудит дайдайдай. Зрение у них хуйовое, потому самка может выглядеть, как пиздец, главное – запах. Некоторые виды броненосцев трахаются в миссионерской позе.
Если самка не готова стать матерью, она откладывает беременность до лучших времён, года на два. У броненосцев часто рождаются близнецы, но круче всех девятипоясные броненосцы: у них рождаются 4 однояйцевых близнеца. МПО девятипоясного броненосца составляет треть его тела, а у некоторых видов – 2/3 длины тела.
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