Однажды во время одного выездного девишника, слушая щебетание множества тёток вокруг, мы с женщиной моей жизни посмотрели друг на друга и решили поехать куда-нибудь вдвоем. Выбор пал на Нормандию, где мы обе уже были, но душа требовала добавки. Путь наш сначала лежал в Руан, где мы смутно надеялись увидеть то, что было закрыто в прошлый раз. Спойлер: не получилось.
Любое место интереснее, когда у него есть заковыристая история. История Руана полна событий: римляне, Столетняя война, Жанна Д`Арк, срачи католиков и гугенотов, Моне, нарисовавший собор 30 раз при разном освещении, Флобер. И наконец Ричарды, как мы прозвали всех нормандских герцогов чохом.
В средние века в Руан регулярно наведывались норманны – пожечь и пограбить. Пока королю Карлу Простоватому это не надоело и он не отдал им целый кусок земли. Здесь они устроили гнездо, а весь кусок так и стал называться Нормандией. В качестве независимого королевства она продержалась всего 300 лет. Всю свою историю Нормандия с Ричардами во главе сражалась за свою независимость с жадными французами. Правда, первый Ричард был не Ричард, а Ролло, про которого потом сняли сериал “Викинги”.
Поселились в фахверке 
Большая часть Ричардов, а некоторые Ричарды частично, похоронены в Руанском соборе, потому нам пришлось ходить туда несколько раз: с первого раза всех мы не нашли. Ролло, его сына Вильгельма Длинный хм Меч, Ричарда Львиное Сердце и его брата Генриха Молодого короля опознали, а вот Ричард III (нормандский) от нас ускользнул.
Ричард I и Ричард II похоронены в городе Фекан. Мы об этом не знали, и поехали туда просто попыриться на море и скалы. Но, узнав о Ричардах и заправившись ликером бенедикт, отправились на поиски.
Фекан – небольшой, уютный городишко на берегу моря, который Ричарды выбрали для своей резиденции. От нее уже почти ничего не осталось, зато напротив находится прекрасно сохранившееся аббаство, где нашли свой приют в одной могиле сразу два Ричарда. Правда, нам пришлось гуглить и дважды облазить с фонариком всю церковь. Вам может показаться, что мы упоролись на Ричардах. И вы нисколько не ошибетесь. Мы с ними абсолютно сроднились.
Внутри Ричарды! 
Чаша для святой воды 
Тятя, тятя, наши сети притащили мертвеца 
Ричарды! 
Они же! 
Ричард! 
Еще один 
Ошметки замка 
Особенный отклик в нашей душе нашла судьба несчастного Роберта II, он же Великолепный, он же Дьявол, сын Ричарда II. О чуваке ходили гнуснейшие слухи и легенды. В 30 с небольшим он отправился в паломничество, из которого не вернулся. За телом послали чувака, который сам тоже умер. так что Роберт нынче где-то в Италии. Но мы узнаем где и тоже поедем.
До сына Роберта, Вильгельма Завоевателя, того самого, мы не доехали, он в Кане. Хотя умер в Руане. После завоевания Ричарды стали сидеть одной жопой на двух тронах: нормандском и английском.
Чем еще заняться в Фекане, кроме поисков Ричардов? Сходить на пляж и покричать Геееектоооор!!! Или Фрииидоооом! Или даже Риииичарррд! Кто во что горазд. И непременно наведаться во дворец Бенедикта. Легенда гласит что монахи Феканского аббатства (где Ричарды) научились бодяжить дивной вкусноты ликер на травах. Но рецепт был трагически просран в годы французской революции. В 19 веке нормандский виноторговец Александр Легран нашел старинный фолиант с зашифрованными рецептами монахов и сумел восстановить один из них. Это по легенде. Но, думаю, он просто провел правильную маркетинговую компанию. Разбогатев, он построил дивной красоты дворец, воплощающий его представления о романтическом средневековье. Это вообще был век увлечения романтическим средневековьем. По всей Европе покупали развалины старых замков и отстраивали их. Кто аутентично, а кто, как Виоле ле Дьюк. Гете бил по почкам немецкую общественность с криками “давайте достроим сраный собор”, ведь за 600 лет все привыкли к его недостроенному виду. Во дворце Бенедикта сохранилась обстановка, здесь же находится небольшая коллекция всякого средневекового, которое насобирал Легран. Музей ликера занимает лишь одно помещение, а в конце экскурсии можно продегустировать ликер в маленьком зимнем саду. А напоследок обозреть Фекан со скалы, где находится старинная часовня Нотр-Дам дю Салю.
Странное современное искусство 
Особняк вампиров 
Бенедиктин 
Бодяжат 
А голву ты дома не забыл?! Нет, Марьванна! 
Церква святого Стефана 
Вид на Фекан от часовни 
В этот раз мы обошли старый город Руана сначала вдоль, а потом поперек. Благо, тут кое-где под домами есть специальные проходы-корридоры. Весь центр великолепно сохранился, здесь более 1000 фахверковых домов, самые старые из которых датируются 14-15 веками. Ричардов они не застали, а вот Жанну вполне могли видеть. Центр Руана весь пропах сараем – это своеобразный запах очень старого здания, построенного с использованием дерева. Мне еще полгода потом казалось, что все вокруг этим пахнет. Отель у нас для верности тоже был в кривом старом домике.
Церковь Сен-Мало снова нам не далась, как и ее оссуарий, закрытый на ремонт. Значит, придется ехать еще раз. К тому же Ричард III, как вы помните, не найден.
Сн-Уэн 
Сен-Вивьен, тоже безнадежно закрыта 
Сен-Мало 
Писающий мальчик 
И еще один 
И снова Сен-Мало 
Нора! 
Собор 
Я понимаю Моне! 
Астрономические часы 
Площадь, где сожгли Жанну 
Дико странная церковь, посвященная Жанне 
Ошметки церкви 
Флобер 
Жанна 
Нормандские львы суть английские 
Собор в ночи
По дороге из Фекана в Руан женщина моей жизни нарыла еще один премилый городок: Сен-Вандрий-Рансон. Выглядел он так, будто там упала нейтронная бомба. Главная достопримечательность – Фонтенельское аббатство, одно из самых старых во Франции. Оно было основано в 7 веке, его грабили викиги и протестанты, ему покровительствовали Ричарды, а сейчас у него все неплохо. Еще в городке есть отлично сохранившаяся церква 13 века.
Гугеноты постарались или французская революция 
Самое старое здание, часовня 7 века 
Выглядит новьем! 
церква 13 века 
С трудом отклеившись от Ричардов и фахверка, мы отправились в городочек Онфлер, оказавшийся после готично-мрачно-пустого Руана дико оживленным.
Онфлер по меркам Нормандии – город почти современный, через 7 лет ему стукнет тясяча, а в документах он впервые упоминается, как владение несчастного Ричарда III (я не говорила? его якобы отравил Роберт Дьявол). Долгое время он был большим портом, но сейчас это просто страшно популярное туристическое направление. Здесь много старого фахверка и типично норманнских церквей, напоминающих превернутые лодки викингов, морские виды и гавань, вокруг которой сосредоточен весь движ. Гавань Онфлера очень красива и напоминала бы одновремено Гданьск, Брюгге и Амстердам, не будь в ней Дома Лейтенанта, средневекового каменного дома, где жили королевские лейтенанты, контролировавшие все входы и выходы из порта. К дому пристроена арка со статуей Девы Марии.
Мы тут жили! 
Церква-корабль 
Дом лейтенанта 
Дом лейтенанта 
Во многих церквях использованы морские мотивы 
Церква святого Леонарда 
Церковь много раз валяли, в том числе во время Столетней войны, потому от облика 12 века почти ничего не осталось 
Эта женщина в окне! 
Неподалеку от Онфлера есть маленький городочек Понт-Одеме. Его продают, как Норманский факинг фейритейл, но прям специально сюда можно и не ехать. Город впервые упоминается в документах 8 века. Здесь есть немного фахверка, который красиво корявится над водами местной реки.
Факинг фейритейл! 
Потолок церквы 
На обратном пути предполагалась остановка в бельгийском Динане, который продают, как один из самых живописных маленьких городков Европы. Но мы к тому времени были уже настолько пришиблены Ричардами, что решили заскочить в Шато-Гайар, к самому раскрученному из всех Ричардов, Львиное Сердце (оно, кстати, в соборе Руана, а большая и лучшая часть Ричарда – в Анжу, есть еще хм кишки – в Шалю, зачем такие сложности, непонятно. Ричард, соберись!)
Шато-Гайар Ричард, тогда уже смотавшийся в Святую Землю и все там развалявший, строил почти собственноручно по образцу замков, которые он там видел. К сожалению, замок по приказу Генриха 4 (меня он всегда бесил) был почти разрушен, но все еще видно, насколько он был крут. И сразу становится понятно, почему Ричард так любил это место: замок стоит на скале над Сеной, вдали виднеются меловые утесы, виды головокружительные. Говорят, Алиенора Аквитанская, мать Ричарда, умерла от злости, узнав, что Филипп-Август, французский король, с которым у Ричарда были очень странные отношения, взял замок.
Ричард, который везде упоминается, как английский король, в большей мере был герцогом Нормандии, чем королем Англи. В Англии он провел не более полугода, не любил ее, считая унылой, и даже не знал английский язык. Еще бы, ведь он воспитывлся при блестящем дворе своей матери, в Аквитании, куртуазная любовь и все такое. А в Англии сидели немытые англосаксы вперемешку с еще более немытыми норманнами.
Ричард вообще был настоящим мамсиком: управление страной оставил на мамо, из-за отношения папы к мамо устроил вместе с остальными сыновьями срач на две сраны. Правда, папа еще спал с его невестой. В общем, высокие отношения.
В Шато-Гайаре мы пережили странный мистический опыт. Оставив машину на стоянке, мы отправились пешком к замку. Небо было ясным. Но стоило нам ступить во двор замка, как налетел ветер! Настоящий шквал! Температура упала, полил дождь, а мы чуть натурально не улетели в меловые утесы. Спасла палатка реконструктров, куда мы спрятались с парой других несчастных. “Ричард” – верещали мы. “Да мы про тебя слова плохого не сказали! На фоне всех этих средневековых уродов ты просто зайка!” Ветер утих. И до нас дошло! Это был не Ричард, а неупокоенная душа несчастной Маргариты Бургундской, невестки гнусного Филиппа 4, угандонившего тамплиеров, а бедную тетку вместе со второй невесткой посадивший под замок. За прелюбодеяние. Там ее задушили по приказу ее гнусного мужа, Людовика 10 (у него даже прозвище было соответствующее – Сварливый).
Городочек у подножья 
Ошметки стен 
Тут мы спрятались 
Кажется, это принц Джон. 
А это, наверное, Ричард. 
Смахнув со лба холодный пот, мы поехали дальше, в Динан, с которым не было связано никаких ужасных историй про потерянных герцогов, удушенных королев и сожженных девственниц. И где никто не похоронен. По крайней мере, из Ричардов.
Динан – это фактически пара улиц, одна из которых – роскошная набережная. Очарование ей сообщают церковь 13 века, напоминающая Минас Моргул, и возвышающаяся над ней цитадель. Еще в Динане придумали пиво Лефф и саксофон. Все мило и по-буржуазному, не то что в этой ужасной Франции.
получение медицинской справки
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